Wordless feeling

Life is nonstop constant burnout! 

I went to A&E, years apart for suicidal idealation. Both give MC of 3 days only

Can't possibly be well for resting 3 days

Fear, rumination & overthinking makes me depressed & anxious. I hope those malfunctional thinking patterns could be spotted earlier on by professionals & be tackled with. 

Low self confidence also played a role. 

Mental healthcare is expensive and not as efficient. It takes too much time & doesnt come up with anything useful. Or I have been to IMH & they insisted me to go group therapy whereas I said no. They only insisted of me of going on. I didn't know I was fearful of people because I'm used to be invisible & didn't wanted to interact with anyone as I think they will criticise me. This made treatment difficult as treatment doesn't fit. I only had no words to describe my pain as I have been a quiet person. I didn't wanna complain. I didn't knew how I feel. Or they simply dismissed the case as there's no words to describe the pain. 

I had to diagnose my own issues. Prevention is too late, I had be anhedonistic since I was 12 years old. 

People always think mental illness is something that can be shrugged off. It's not that simple. Stop thinking everything will stop feeling. It doesn't. I just wanna a permanent rest. 

In this society, the voice of the noiser ones crowd out the silent voice as people are unwilling to understand them or shun them.

 Tired hopeless numb & empty 

Emotion suppression is bad