Lost in Forest

 Thank you for everything. I can't thank you enough. I'll say goodbye to this world. Love you, be good. 

 Some people have contemptuous personality that others be never good enough  anhedonistic because nothing is ever good enough I'm heidious. Self contempt. 

  Suicide: Never Be Fooled By a Smile

Suicidal tendencies came from an early chemical imbalance  I feel at peace to die. That's the most important for the last part of the journey.  Not resisting death & let go

 I was born unhappy, there's nothing to do to help. It's nature people wouldn't want me. It's a meaningless human life without meaningful relationship. & nature human emotions.  生老病死  Born old sick death

 We can't help you, you can only help yourself 

 Fear overpowers ur brain as u only think of the negative consequences 

 U did well, it's not easy  It's not easy being vegetarian 

 Life is not about me, which I end up having no self.  Workers need respect too 

Focusing on Positivity doesn't makes me feel happier but I should be grateful for many this in life such as this opportunity to be born, to get a job, or go to school. I should be grateful that I have a roof all over my head, have food. Since, I can't feel happy at all.  I had no idea why. Life is only suffering.  I learnt many things too 

Life is nonstop constant burnout!  I went to A&E, years apart for suicidal idealation. Both give MC of 3 days only Can't possibly be well for resting 3 days Fear, rumination & overthinking makes me depressed & anxious. I hope those malfunctional thinking patterns could be spotted earlier on by professionals & be tackled with.  Low self confidence also played a role.  Mental healthcare is expensive and not as efficient. It takes too much time & doesnt come up with anything useful. Or I have been to IMH & they insisted me to go group therapy whereas I said no. They only insisted of me of going on. I didn't know I was fearful of people because I'm used to be invisible & didn't wanted to interact with anyone as I think they will criticise me. This made treatment difficult as treatment doesn't fit. I only had no words to describe my pain as I have been a quiet person. I didn't wanna complain. I didn't knew how I feel. Or they simply di

  It's 3am here. I'm just getting all pent up with stress. It's so common to be stressed up about financial state especially without financial stability. Afterall, money is hard earned.  I'll be probably just randomly writing a blog of my daily life to put my writing skills in practice for good.  I think I'll write about daily life lessons I had learn. Blogging is like an online dairy as I don't have a niche yet to create a monetising blog.  I should just have a good rest in a comfortable bed and not to worry so much afterall. There's nothing much I can do.  17 Dec 2021