Some people have contemptuous personality that others be never good enough anhedonistic because nothing is ever good enough I'm heidious. Self contempt.
Suicidal tendencies came from an early chemical imbalance I feel at peace to die. That's the most important for the last part of the journey. Not resisting death & let go
I was born unhappy, there's nothing to do to help. It's nature people wouldn't want me. It's a meaningless human life without meaningful relationship. & nature human emotions. 生老病死 Born old sick death